State Policeman's Balls

You know the old joke, where the chick gets stopped by the NJ State Trooper for speeding. He walks up to the car and she says, "Oh, officer, I know why you stopped me. You want to sell me tickets to the State Troopers' Ball!"

The trooper is rather annoyed and snaps back at the chickie babe, "Lady, State Troopers don't have balls!"

Ahem.

Well, my foodie friends in North Carolina are both ex-cops. In a sweet gesture of friendship, they gave me a PBA card for my drive back home, lest I should, shall we say, exceed the speed limit somewhat (an innocent oversight, of course). Sgt. Bill C. (Ret.) offered as how this might not be a useful item in NC or VA, but to keep my head down, understand that the staties might give me a "nickel" (5 mph over the limit) and produce the card with my other credentials should I have to.

I think I was in Virginia, in the left lane, going along with traffic just at or under 80 mph (the limit there is 65) when I noticed the trooper pulling out from the access road on my left. I wasn't all too concerned, since I wasn't passing anyone and most cars were going about the same speed as me. In any case, we all slowed down somewhat, and I cleverly used my cruise control "coast" button so as not to be obvious with the brake lights.

Except I didn't push the "coast" button, but blared the horn two or three times as I passed the trooper. And this isn't some sissy horn, but double horns that are under the hood of my new Bjorn buggy. At that moment, though, the horns sounded like the alarm clarion on a sub, or the air raid sirens we used to hear being tested when we were children. I might as well have had a drag queen in full regalia on the roof rack, as inconspicuous as I was right then.

I watched in my rearview mirror while the car pulled out into traffic, so I prepared to wield the PBA card, but the policeman pulled back onto the shoulder and turned onto another access road. Perhaps my little gray wagon is invisible. Who knows. There was nothing left to do but call my beloved ex-cop friends and give them a laugh at my expense.