dream

This morning I had a somewhat disturbing dream.

In the dream, I was at a "gathering" with an old lover, Bobby. (As for Bobby - it was hot, and it ended very badly.) For some reason we went to a club, and there was a drag show in what appeared to be a clothing store. One of the other guests at this club was my friend K. He looked at me quite disapprovingly. In the dream I didn't know exactly what it was he expected of me.

From time to time in the dream, Bobby turned into Alois, another old love. (As for Alois - it was awful and damaging for years. Come to think of it, neither Bobby nor Alois had a whole lot of respect for women. Hmmm. Oh well.) For some reason I took off my clothes, put on something from the racks, and went outdoors for a while. When I returned, the show was over and my clothes had been stolen. All the drag queens seemed to find this exceptionally amusing. There was a cruel streak in them that probably shouldn't have, but did, surprise me.

I don't particularly like this dream, or what it represents to me. It makes me sad. But now that I find myself out from under the kind of weight that can crush a person's soul, I don't want to spend the kind of energy it would take to explore its meaning. Perhaps the universe will forgive me, perhaps not. In any case there's nothing I can do about it now. So I think I'll just turn the page and move on.