unsettlement
Learned today that a well-known kite flyer and all around wonderful gal passed away last week of breast cancer. She was perhaps a few years older than I am. I knew she'd been diagnosed some years ago, and I think I knew she'd had a recurrence. Still, the news rocked me. Such news always does.
On top of the rest of the unsettlement that is druid labs PNW, I found myself in the midst of a pity party today. I realize that what needs to be done, NOW, is the feathering of the nest. Without the hearth, so to speak, I cannot feel complete or safe. Having come from a home where things were somewhat "finished" if there is such an animal, and finding myself now in an ongoing work - with workmanship somewhat beneath our standards - leaves me feeling vulnerable and isolated. It's interesting to see how these feelings define themselves over time and many conversations. When what's bugging me becomes clear, then the cure is pretty clear, too.
The carpeting is either filthy or defective. I can worry that the builder will do something about it or I can just say a symbolic fuck you and rip it out and install what will suit us better: hardwood floors in this, hobbitt's office, and a nice pile carpeting with some color in the rest of the house. Hey, the local place is having a zero-interest until 2009 deal right now. Why would I not do it? Cripes, I can even have the freaking dry, colorless tiles in the foyer, kitchen and laundry ripped out and replaced with hardwood for that deal. And I might.
What I'm getting at here is not what we will or won't do to the house. The point is that for a while now I've been thinking that it's someone else's job to make me happy. Duh. Why do I forget that simple, simple and even simpler lesson?
4 Comments:
So true. I think "I can't live with all this clutter!" Who do I think is going to get rid of it? The clutter fairy? I'm afraid that the problem has gotten so bad that I am almost to the point of feeling helpless - like no matter what I do nothing will help and that I don't even know where to start. It is morbid, but my most reliable motivation is the fear that if I were to die suddenly my mother would go through all my stuff. Somehow that always is good for a couple hours of diligent work!
edieraye, that was the funniest and most profound reason to "de-clutter" i've read in a while.
and C, every little thing you do to your new house will be placing your imprint on it. soon you will realize that no matter where you moved, or what kind of home you moved into, it won't really be "home" until you have done some reconstructive surgery. that has been the case in every move i've ever made, including this last one just before christmas.
and hardwood floors are always good. especially in the pnw, where the weather tends to gunk up footwear.
good on you for recognizing YOU are responsible for your happiness. too many people have placed theirs in others hands, and wonder why they are NOT happy.
I cannot add anything better than what has already been said.
It seems that you are moving from that place where you own it to that other place where you make it your own.
I just got rid of a whole bunch of clutter. Both real and metaphorical.
And I am chomping at the bit to yank the carpet up from the hardwood floors, refinish them if needed, and get some new furniture in this place.
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