funk-a-licious
Yep. Slipping into it again.
September is fast approaching and I have to decide what I want to do. There's a 2-day Master Gardener symposium in Seattle early on in the month. I must decide by Friday if I'm going to enroll. Also my Shaman Camp reunion group is meeting in Binghamton NY September 20-24.
I want to go; I don't want to go. I definitely need a spiritual tune-up. Yet though I would entrust my lives to the people in that group, I don't feel entirely at ease with many of them, and often find myself quite lonely at our meetups. Plus, I don't sleep well when I'm there - too many young women with estrogen, needing windows shut and heat on and all. Did I say young? I think the youngest among the group is probably pushing late 40's by now.
To get there I'd have to do at least some time in a motel or with my family, 4 hours away. And my sister recently informed me that she's letting her daughter move back in, so that'll be 4 of her offspring in a 3-bedroom house. I don't think there's room for me. And for many, many reasons, that's okay.
I just don't feel like it. And yes, that's a poopy response. The same kind of response I heard from myself when wondering whether to go down the street to the deli to get lunch for us, because there's no food in the house. Not wanting to venture even a few blocks from home is a serious symptom, as well as the whole "no food in the house" issue.
And on top of all that, I can't even think straight anymore. I guess my mind turns to mush when I'm not caregiving. Got-dammit!
The last time this happened, I quit my job at Kraft and traveled the southwest for a few months by train and the kindness of friends. It seemed necessary for me to get out into the world alone and be brave, to break the bonds that hold me in my usual homebody state.
What should I do? I'm open to all suggestions.
5 Comments:
You know our door is open to you.
First off, make a freakin' grocery list! (grin)
i'm funk-a-licious, too. in fact, i'm the most manic i've ever been before...tearful at the office one second, then in less than an hour, manic singing ridiculous made up songs to my dogs and cats at the homefront. i call this being off my crutch meds for the first time in 5 yrs...trying to go it alone. not sure this was a good idea.
anyway - this isn't about me.
take some time and be. try to feel what is right to take care of you. if you feel obligated to go, its not going to be as freeing as a tune-up could be. on the other hand, maybe it would be good for you and different this time, even though it feels hard to get there.
i often have a hard time with making commitments of my time in advance...sometimes it feels like more pressure. sometimes i'm glad i did make a committment to something.
i just don't know. but,i feel for you. and am funkified right there with ya! not that that helps at all....
anyway, binghamton, ny isn't that far from where i am...i could meet you. in case that's any kind of slight incentive.
Get up and get out. It will do you good.AC
Shaman camp sounds like a good thing and I bet that you will feel much better AFTER you do it than you do now. Oh, and get a motel room so you have some quiet time instead of with family if you that would make you feel better.
Bottom line is that you probably already know what you need and now you just need to listen to yourself and do it.
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