ouch again

I think it was last Friday that I lopped off the tip of my left salute finger. Seriously. While chopping ginger. Took a long time to stop the bleeding.

I now own a steel glove for kitchen use.

Anyway, this had some big implications for my fiddle class. As in: how to play without the tip of one's finger? I reckoned I'd talk to the instructor about it when I got there on Tuesday night. The first person I encountered upon arrival was a classmate, a handsome man probably around my age. All I knew about him was that he played the fiddle left-handed.

We exchanged pleasantries: "How are you?," I said. "Good, thanks, how are you?" he said. "Handicapped a bit," I said. "Aren't we all," he said.

I then showed him my left hand with its large bandage on the fingertip and said, "It'll grow back, though." He then proceeded to show me his left hand, which was missing 3/4 of the salute finger, and he said, "This didn't."

Circular saw accident. A mere moment's inattention. The other three fingers were reattached.

Did I quit my whining immediately? Hugh betcha.

domestic deity

That's my gas range.

I don't love it. No one would love a black appliance in a home with forced-air heating. No one who cooks with such artistic panache (read: kitchen accidents) as I do would love a stainless steel appliance.

But I don't hate it. So today, I decided to clean it. I ran the self-cleaning cycle last night and dismantled it this morning for a thorough scrubbing. It's squeaky clean now, although some unfortunate boil-overs have yet to be flaked off the burners. Someday I'll have enough elbow grease for that.

When I was all done, I celebrated.














The apron reads: Life is too short to cook for you people. That's an official Bombay Sapphire martini glass. And those are my $5,000 pearls. But I have to confess the picture is posed. I actually used latex surgical gloves when I cleaned the damned thing, though my left hand is truly that monstrously large. So sue me.

starting to laugh already

This today via email from my sister Terry:

Time line

Late 2006

• Terry gets the bright idea that surprising bhd for her 50th birthday with Nancy and John would be fun.
• Discussions ensue.

Late 2006

• hobbitt is brought into idea

Late 2006

• hobbitt informs above that he and bhd are booked during that time.

January 2007

• Nancy decides to share aborted plan with bhd.
• bhd says come, come, come.

Weekend of January 12th

• Terry finds great fares and flights that would allow Nancy to travel from Newark to Seattle with John and herself, rent a car and drive to druid labs.
• All is arranged and confirmation numbers are gotten, flights to be booked within 24 hours
• Plans on hold until Terry can clear dates at work with Boss

Monday, January 15th

• Terry is good to go-very excited
• John begs off
• Nancy - O Queen of Indecision-is indecisive.
• Too early a flight, too short a visit, too expensive, too confusing, too everything.
• Nancy calls Terry too many time to reiterate.
• Nancy feeling guilty.
• Nancy feeling unsure.
• Nancy feeling, well, Nancy!
• (This is now a new word for Webster - nancy - adj., indecisive, unsure, last minute insecurities)
• Terry begins to feel sad she ever thought of this as it was supposed to be fun and SIMPLE - YES or NO answer please!
• Terry still wants to go.
• Terry mentions same to husband Joe who says he'll go if needed as he loves to travel and loves Washington and loves his wife.

Tuesday night

• More calls and confusion from Nancy, should she - shouldn't she?
• Willie overhearing conversation asks if he could go - he's never been.
• Terry begins thinking--family vacation?! - to celebrate bhd's birthday!
• Terry has to go to bed.

Wednesday morning

• Terry sends e mail to bhd saying she (Terry) would be delighted to still come out-alone even.
• Terry e mails bhd about "family" visit idea
• In anticipation Terry asks for and gets more time off from work.
• Terry finds air fares and times that work.
• Nancy calls and says she is now a GO and maybe even John too! - Back to ORIGINAL plan.
• Terry slumps to floor and when she arises gets rope ready for noose to hang self.
• Terry tells Nancy of her e mail to bhd
• Nancy says OK then she won't go
• Terry says no - I haven't said anything to boys yet to we'll go as ORIGINALLY planned
• Nancy says no
• Terry says maybe bhd has enough medication/drugs for ALL of us to come celebrate A BIRTHDAY TO REMEMBER!
• Terry quickly decides that NO ONE has that much medication/drugs!
• Terry still wants to come
• Terry alone
• Terry with Nancy alone!
• Terry with Nancy and John alone
• Terry with Nancy and John and Joe and Will and Owen alone
• Terry with Joe and Will and Owen alone
• Terry with Joe alone
• Terry with Nancy and John and Phil (excuses end!) and Joe and Will and Owen alone.
• Terry kills self and ends the possibility that this might happen to her on her 55th or 60th

I'm Waiting to hear from you, bhd

I'm available via cell today

Remember K.I.S.S.-- Keep it Simple Stupid

Whatever YOU want is OK by me but the only thing you can count on is that I WILL COME!!!!

I Love you and hope you don't hate us all by now!!!

TERRY

fer cryin' out loud!

It's back on. I am soooo over having any kind of emotion about this. It's turned into the regular family soup opera (which, thankfully, has replaced hobbitt's family soap opera) so I'm just sighing and giving up any notion of control. Whatever!

But they say they're coming, all three of them. We'll be laughing pretty much non-stop and oh how I could use that right about now.

So we'll see. It was one of my mother's favorite phrases. Now I know why.

dang

Looks like the family visit plan is fizzling. Or has fizzled.

My plan right now is to work hard to avoid the inevitable slide into melancholy and self-pity.

Oops! Looks like that plan failed, too.

oops

So Thursday last week I spent many, many hours in the dentist's chair. This exciting activity culminated in me getting a wee temporary onlay for the part of my tooth that broke off.

I was given two simple instructions. 1) Don't pull UP while flossing that spot and 2) Don't eat anything sticky or chewy.

Like the 4th Blow Pop that I just had. Serially. You guessed it! The 4th gummy wad lifted the onlay right off the tooth. Which is kinda sensitive now. Imagine.

So I called the office just now, not expecting to speak to an actual person. Surprise! And while negotiating a quicky re-gluing appointment with the receptionist, I asked her if I was going to get spanked. Dr. Clark heard the comment and laughed out loud.

The onlay is in an empty medicine bottle. There is still quite a bit of gum on it. But maybe Dr. Clark won't yell at me too much. Tomorrow at 2:40.

argh!

Some of you may know that I'm about to become 39 for the 11th time shortly. I'm not upset about it but it is a big deal to me, for a variety of reasons. I have been thinking of dragging hobbitt off to some nice cushy vacation home (think: privacy and hot tub) on Vancouver Island or the Gulf Islands for a long weekend, but have been hemming and hawing about the expense, the dates (he's on a hot project for work), and the other obligations (like my fiddle class and his photography class) that we've taken on.

I found out yesterday that my siblings, all of them, had been trying to plan a surprise visit - from the east coast - since December, for my birthday weekend, but after talking to Mike and hearing about my tentative plans, thought it couldn't be done.

I was devastated. There's no other word for it. I would never have imagined that they'd even attempt such a thing - only one of them has been out here to visit at all since we've moved. It never occurred to me that such a thing was even a vague possibility - which is to say, it would have been a stupendous surprise. There is nothing, not a single better way that I could begin to imagine spending my birthday than with all of us together. Last March was the last time, since both Nancy and I were in New Joy Sea for my cousin's funeral.

Not long after Nancy told me this news, I called her back to say, "I'll forget you told me you were coming if you'll still come..." and I know I sounded truly pathetic. I spent the rest of the day in a dark, dark funk. I began to imagine that someday I'll be too old to travel, and the prospect of not being able to reach my siblings again made for some tearful - and hidden - moments. Hidden because I knew that hobbitt felt bad for not attempting to deceive me, steer my plans away from a romantic weekend away from home, for the sake of a visit with my siblings. He couldn't have known how wonderful an idea it was for me.

Now, I could have pulled something like this off, but I don't think he could lie to me to save his life. It would have been no problem for me, making up perfectly reasonable fictions. But that's me - what a rush to accomplish something like that for him!

So Nancy and John can come. Terry is waiting to hear about time off. She works for the railroad and as a transportation employee, she doesn't quite have the ability to tell the powers-that-be to screw off. But she does have considerable seniority, so it's still a possibility.

They won't do it if they can't all do it. Nancy and John have never been here, but I guess I can understand their thinking. It's as much about the adventure of the journey as it is being here for the day I turn fif-, uh, that number.

So here's hoping! Cross your fingers for the best birthday present I could have ever wished for!

after the wind, the snow

Quick update: the wind blew the gas grill off our deck last night. Knocked down an ailing alder in the back of the yard. Killed the power for a couple of hours. But that's about all.

Today? Snow. Not just nice, fluffy snow, but ice pellets, followed by heavy, slushy snow, followed by deep freezing temperatures. Fun stuff, for driving tomorrow.

And normally I wouldn't care, except that I'm supposed to have a long and early dental appointment tomorrow. Should be fun driving on ice to get there. I can't wait.

windy

That's miles per hour. On the beach. Just now. Steady winds 38-40 mph. Beautiful!

soup

Why I hate cutting up butternut squash: I usually cut myself, somehow.

Why I love my fingernail: I still have the tip of my left index finger. And the squash and corn chowder is still officially vegetarian.

onward, present, awake

This is what we get:
this waning moon
behind silver clouds
on a windy night.

You can go inside
to bed, to look
another night, warmer
perhaps, or calmer.

But we only get
this moon, these winds,
silver clouds. Tonight.
This is what we get.






I wrote this in August 2005 in response to some very bad news.

For some reason I found it tonight while rummaging through old journal files.

It's appropriate for me to read over and over and over, because it says everything I need to know in order to march bravely and excitedly into my future.

Happy New Year!